dipped.in.[fish]sauce

Cambodian American Testimonies on Khmer Rouge Tribunal

2009-11-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

Cambodian American Testimonies on Khmer Rouge Tribunal from New America Media on Vimeo.

Healing Has No End

2009-09-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

My brother's family recently moved to San Jose into a small one story home with an old family friend of ours. This old family friend knew my parents and grandparents from way back when in Viet Nam. She is now a widow and has been living alone since her husband passed just a few months ago. She kindly opened up her home to my brother and his new family. Since he moved there, I've been visiting often.

Not sure why, but today something sparked my interest in her family's story as I was sitting there eating the sauteed beef and peas with rice. So I started asking her a series of questions without much pause in between.

"So Auntie...can I ask, when did your family come to the US?"
"...1986."
"How did you get here?"
"...Sponsorship by my sister."
"What happened to your family after 1975?"
"...We stayed in Sai Gon."
"Did your husband go to reeducation camp like my dad?"
"...Yes, for 2-3 years."
"What were you doing while your husband was in camp?"
"...I was taking care of my 4 kids alone."
"How old were your kids at the time?"
"...My husband left on the 23rd. I had my youngest just 12 hours after he left."
"Ohhh k...so what was life like when the Viet Cong took over?"

...silence...

I stopped chewing and placed my chop sticks on the plate. She was still facing the stove stirring the soup in the pot. I leaned to the side to see if she had heard my question but noticed that her cheeks were getting red. She started sniffling quietly and tears began to fill her eyes. She started shaking her head, shocked at her own reaction to my seemingly harmless questions. Shaking her head vigorously as if to shake the tears from her memories.

I didn't know what to say.

I felt so guilty.

I started explaining to her why I was so curious about her family's history and experiences. Telling her about the growing disconnect between refugee parents and their children and how the gap will eventually lead to an out-of-touch generation. I told her that hearing such stories are important to me, and helpful in understanding my parents and grandparents.

She responded,"My memories are too painful to recall. Let's not talk about it now." She remained silent, pulled deep into her thoughts as she continued to cook.

I withdrew and finished eating my rice. I got lost in my own thoughts. This experience just reaffirmed my understanding of disruption. Disruption of refugee memories, families, culture and experiences. I was reminded that the healing process sometimes never has an end. And that those of the first generation who struggled through the war and resettlement experience first hand are still scarred so deeply... yet remain so silent.

And for the Southeast Asian refugee, this silence... is worse than the belligerent outcry or the emotional rage.

How do we contribute to the healing process?

Big Trouble in Little Saigon

2009-09-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

Due to the recent classiness of Republicans in the news, especially those from Orange County, I figure it would be relevant to talk about the upcoming 2010 US House elections regarding California's 47th District. Loretta Sanchez, a "Blue Dog" Democrat, is currently the representative and she will probably continue being so after the election, based on past election results. Still, the Republican Party won't go down without a fight, so why not throw in some Vietnamese dudes into the mix?

So, we've already got Van Tran, about whom Danielle has already written, and as you can see from this OC Register piece, we've now got Quang X. Pham. From the article, it is stated Pham is gaining some ground through the raising of some much-needed funds and Tran has lost a bit of his sparkle from some involvement in a DUI case involving a Westminster Councilmember. (Also from the article, they used a pretty bad photo of Pham, which is cut off below his nose and shows him really pale.)

better looking photo of Pham

So who is this Quang X. Pham? A quick search yields some articles he wrote about war in Iraq and Vietnam and a piece about President Ford shortly after he died. And of course, his campaign site. From the bio, it mentions his history: "Quang 'Q' Pham, 44, is a healthcare entrepreneur, community leader, decorated Marine Corps veteran, and author". Quite an interesting story, if you read the rest of the bio. Very American Dream-y, he and his story are. In fact, he embodies very much what a lot of people think of when they imagine Orange County in their minds. To quote a FiveThirtyEight piece:

unapologetic anti-communism, embrace of the military-industrial complex, strong Christian family values, suburbanization, bootstrap entrepreneurialism, and a fierce resistance to big government, new taxes and the welfare state.

I'm not sure about the Christian values part, but I'm pretty sure about everything else. His chances of doing well in an OC election would be pretty good, except for the fact that the 47th District is one of the more diverse districts, with the number of Democrats actually outnumbering Republicans.

So that sort of paints a picture of who he is, but why should one vote for him? What's he running on? On his site, there's not really a section that talks about a platform with specific issues. Rather, a visitor is given a generic introduction. Let's take a look:

There's a short bio of Pham, and then the line "Now there's a fresh voice and a new choice." Oh dang, I'm totally digging the internal rhyme. +1 right there. Here's the next paragraph:

I joined the Republican Party for its principled stance on less government, lower taxes and sensible and strong national defense. I believe in individual choices, liberty and the right to pursue happiness. I believe in personal responsibility and respect for others.

Nothing to disagree with here (except maybe the part about sensibility). That's the Republican party. The rest are things that are not very controversial, like saying I believe in freedom and democracy and being nice to people. Then, the next two paragraphs are the most interesting, as they have the most content in them. Still, there is not really a clear platform, but just a bit less vagueness.

And, the pièce de résistance, his personal story of overcoming adversity and achieving the American Dream: When I arrived in America as a boy from Vietnam, I had lost my country, my freedom and my father. Yet the American Dream was still attainable. It took dedication, encouragement, hard work and perseverance. And it can still be done. We need leaders who will emphasize self-sufficiency and who will inspire others to seek opportunities--not just government handouts.

If he can do it, why can't everyone else? Come on people, jeez! This is a simple sufficient-necessary relationship. If you work hard, then you'll achieve the American Dream. Thus, the contrapositive follows as true: if you did not achieve the American Dream, then you did not work hard. Simple as that, no other factors like structural inequalities or institutional barriers. [side note: too much sarcasm and too much LSAT studying make my head hurt.]

[Edit: the inverse of this had me thinking for awhile. One could say if you have achieved the American Dream, then you've worked hard. I guess it makes sense like that, but too many people do the reverse and that is how you get to the conclusion of people blaming others for their failures or non-realizations of whatever it is the American Dream is.]

Even Craig Nelson (Mr. Incredible hisself) knows what's up: "I've been on food stamps and welfare, anybody help me out? No. No." You think about that.

And... I'll just leave it at that. Before I'm down though, I wanted to share this endearing clip of Loretta Sanchez during the 2008 DNC. Yeah, she's definitely gonna be re-elected.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Criticisms?

Bao Phi Blogging

2009-08-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks . . so some of you might think this is a cop out on blogging on my own, but please check out Bao Phi's blog in the Twin Cities' Star Tribune.

His first post is pretty freaking awesome.

He's going to be blogging there for a few months so y'all should support him and help to balance out the crazy mainstream comments he might get.

Slanty Eyes, Morning Interrupted

2009-08-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's funny to think that today I woke up this morning feeling excited to remember and celebrate our great President's birthday. Then my morning enthusiasm was quickly shaken out of me during my regular 17 minute drive to work.

You know. My regular route. Familiar traffic lights, stop signs, and speed limits. I typically embrace the short ride in the morning, usually because I clear my mind with my favorite tunes or listen to NPR Morning Edition...

But today, it was different. My regular route was rudely and abruptly interrupted by a reckless-White-male-driver who saw me driving 45 mph... about 1/8 of a mile away from his wait at the stop sign to turn right on to the same road. This White man... with his blue trucker hat, riding in his damn dated-over-sized-fuel-guzzling-trashy-Bronco-truck, decided to make the right turn anyways... AND not even try to speed up to at least 40mph to avoid what could have easily been a collision had I not quickly changed lanes into a luckily open left lane. At this point, I'm quietly upset.

As I pass him on the left, I'm shaking my head, smiling... looking straight ahead.

Curious to see if I had amused him at all, I glanced to my right and lo and behold... the asshole has both his hands up to his eyes, index fingers pointed inwards to lift the skin on the sides of his racist eyes, slanting them up to creatively imitate, I guess... ME?

Fuck you guy, fuck you. You're so CLEVER! Thinking that though you were the one who made the stupid decision to take a high-risk right turn... to almost cause an absolutely preventable accident...to pretty much debunk the stereotype that Asian women can't drive because it is YOU who can't drive... that making an unoriginal slanty eyes face to mock me would make you feel better... about your ignorant, socially-unconscious-because-you-don't-have-to-be, limited in perspective thing... that you call your life.

A thirty second experience warped my thoughts to date back to 1979, the year my family resettled in America. Obvious instances and subtle stints of racist treatment that they may not even remember 30 years ago. Obvious instances and subtle stints of racism that exists today, still with the election of our first African American President.

Happy Birthday President Obama. Don't celebrate too long. We still got a lot of work to do.

Van Tran, You Are Not My Future

2009-06-05T13:30:00.001-07:00

Dear Assemblymember Tran,

My name is Thanh Truc Duong, and here is my short story. I am second generation Vietnamese American. I was born in the City of Garden Grove, one of the seven cities that you proudly serve. My parents and siblings are refugees of the American War in Southeast Asia.

In 1978, shortly after my father was released from "reeducation camp," my family fled by foot late at night, barely escaping the hands of Vietnamese communists, leaving everything they knew as "home" behind. On a 50-foot fishing boat, they sat cramped and quietly with hundreds of other Vietnamese refugees, waiting patiently to cross the seas, praying for clear skies and a ocean pathway absent of hungry pirates. Blessed by the Buddha's watch, they made it safely to Malaysia where they lived in a refugee camp for six months until being sponsored to America.

They first resettled in Hawthorne. While my father studied for months to regain his license as a family physician, my family lived on welfare. My mother worked multiple jobs as a caretaker, maid, and tailor to bring in any extra cash to help keep my 3 siblings out of trouble. Finally my father passed his certification. The economy was good in the 1980s, so they opened up a clinic with the intentions of serving recent immigrants and refugees in Westminster, families just like ours.

A few years later, I was born, and... here I am now. A recent graduate of the best public university in the world. Looking back at my story, I just can't say that it was solely my hard work that brought me to where I am today.

I read your short story too. Your entire refugee background was written so concisely into two sentences. You skillfully fit 34 years of experience with war, escape, diaspora, and resettlement into a brief and painfully distant paragraph.

As the first Vietnamese American to serve in elected office in the United States, I ask you this...

How has your Vietnamese American identity successfully thrown you into consideration as the "future of the GOP" yet barely be a point of discussion on your own website... or more importantly, how does your unique refugee background inform your policy decisions on immigration, education, and other matters impacting our communities ?

On the hard and cold surface level, our families may share the same history of war and displacement. But beyond that, the boot-straps approach and political ideology that you developed from your experiences are not mine.

So when I heard your announcement to run for Congress, my heart sank. As a progressive-minded second generation Vietnamese American, I do not believe that your narrowed, dated perspectives on social and economic issues will carry our growing, younger generation through the expected challenges and obstacles that face us in the decades to come.

As a native of Orange County, I will look to more forwards-thinking, inclusive-approaching, coalition-building, diplomatic and non-divisive leadership ... regardless of ethnicity.

I think it's time that the Vietnamese American community has a loud wake-up call. For our more privileged generation, being of Southeast Asian descent will no longer be enough.

Wishing you the best,
Thanh Truc Duong

to get nominated

2009-06-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

so a while ago i wrote a blog that did a little roastin' of our Vietnamese Congressman.

however, yesterday a colleague of mine from new orleans shared with us a one on one conversation he had with cao about how things are going.

cao basically told him that because the district is so heavily democractic, the primary election is fierce. Also, since the district is so heavily black, in order to even get nominated through the democratic party in louisiana's second district, you needed to be from the black community.

this implied that cao may have run for office under the republican party because it was simply easier to win that nomination.

explains why the the GOP didn't really support him very much during the campaign.

reminds me student politics and how in order to be nominated through calserve was actually a really difficult process.

i wonder if this is true.

cao is actually really good on a few things like immigration and human rights. the only thing i'm concerned about is reproductive rights. Also, his vote on the stimulus package wasn't so great (he argues he didn't have enough time to read over).

so what does this mean for us and for our community?

is this strategic?

is this selling out?

any thoughts?

From the north and south and east

2009-06-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

"... Whoa, mercy mercy me, things ain't what they used to be"

I remember first learning about Many Chout Uch when we watched the documentary Sentenced Home for SASC SI. And then we watched it again, for the SASC retreat. And then we watched it for Asian American Studies 125. And then Boalt Hall had an event and we watched it there too. But this time, Many was there and we got to hear him speak. And even though the producer and his pd spoke the most during the panel, it was amazing to finally meet this man whose story had had such a big impact on my personal development as a Southeast Asian American male.

Many is up for a clemency hearing next Thursday, June 11th. I hope the best for Many and his family. For more details about what you can actively do to help, please check out his posting at the API Community Leadership Foundation. I'm planning on writing something to send to the clemency pardon board, hopefully you can too.

On a related note, I recently finished reading Other: an Asian & Pacific Islander Prisoners' Anthology (be like Monica and try to get it from an independent bookseller). It's API, but is predominantly SEA and male (there's one female and one transgender submission). As I was reading it, the personal narratives got me all sorts of angry and sad and feeling hopeless, but after some having some time to think about it, I see the power that the experiences of each person have. Because we read the vignettes and come to know what they've shared with us, they are less alone, we are more together; there is a cathartic release in that. It's bridging gaps in our communities.

And our folks in the prison system need support; they sure as hell aren't getting that from the system, they fucking aren't even counted (hence the title, Other). So we can't even know how messed up the whole situation is. And yes, it's some messed up Orwellian shit (Department of Corrections?? GTFO!). For more information, you can check out the blog of the guy who compiled it, Eddy Zheng (he's also facing deportation).

That's all for now, can you lead us out Marvin?

differences due to Diaspora, similarities due to...?

2009-05-23T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty behind in my news stories but when I came across this particular one about Tavaryna in Lowell, MA, I was really compelled to react by writing and reflecting.

So while I grew up in Southeast San Diego and went to school up in the bay… Tavaryna and her story reminds me not only of some my cousins, some of my friends, and some of the amazing youth that I’ve worked with… but it also reminded me why I moved from California and local issues to DC and national issues.

I was always intrigued by not only the differences between our communities (like the differences between Khmer folks and Vietnamese folks) or the differences within our communities (like Lue folks in San Diego and Lue folks in Denver)…

But most importantly, I have always been especially interested in the similarities between our communities (like how my Vietnamese co-blogger and I both grew up in homes where our family used the dishwasher as a dish rack) and the similarities within our communities (like how family parties in San Diego and Denver always have way too much Heinekens).

Since my move, I’ve experienced just a taste of our dispersed communities through on brief meetings and phone calls.

This summer, I’m both excited and extremely nervous to travel to the twin cities and Lowell to see these great differences and similarities that have resulted from our Disapora.

While not exactly the best example a similarity that west coasters may share with east coasters… the story that is told in the news article about Tavaryna highlights some issues that I thought only affected our Southeast Asian community in California but I guess this great American Dream of a system has failed our community in other parts of the country as well.

The generational gap.
Miscommunic(asian) within in the family.
Gang violence.
Poverty.

In no way am I trying to say that this is the fault of us… if anything, I think this just proves that the United States in general has some f-ed up resettlement policies and even more f-ed up anti-poverty, education, and youth development policies and programs.

The more f-ed up thing is that all of us may have personally (or know someone very close to us who may have) experienced something similar to Tavaryna... the media consistently fail to highlight our stories accurately or often enough.

i guess we could have also named our blog . .

2009-05-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

"dipped.in.[sriracha]sauce" too . .

but it's interesting. While maybe being mistaken as an "exotic" and imported sauce has helped sriracha sauce become popular upon non-asians . . it's actually a really Asian-American sauce.

Reminds me of a lot of other things/people in our community =)

"How to Get to College" Posters in Hmong and Vietnamese

2009-05-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

There have been numerous occasions where I find myself asking why did I go to college at bougie-ass and hella exclusive Berkeley for college.

This is one of those times.

Don’t get me wrong.

I recognize the privilege I had to be able to go to Berkeley
I recognize the privilege I had to be able to afford to apply to the UC system and the time I had to write three essays for the application
I recognize the privilege I had to be able to take the SAT I, ACT, and SAT II
I recognize the privilege I had in being put into Seminar and the “College Track”
I recognize the privilege I had to have two parents who both full-time and oftentimes over time and weekends to make sure I didn’t have to work until my senior year in high school.

I recognize all these privileges and my Berkeley degree definitely has opened several doors for me.

However, there have been many times in which I find myself asking, not only why did I go to a UC Berkeley for college… but more importantly, why are there so few of ME here? Why was it so hard for ME and people like ME to get here? Is this university made for me? Who is this university made for?

When we chant, “Who’s University?” and respond with, “OUR UNIVERSITY”… are they listening?

Is it that we’re not chanting loud enough? Is it because we’re not chanting long enough?

I don’t think that’s the case at all.

Anyway, today, one of my co-workers sent this to me and I found myself asking that question, why did I go to college at bougie-ass and hella exclusive Berkeley for college.

I think this reminds of the Count Me In Campaign and the differences between the CSUs and UCs in California.

While the CSUs already had disaggregated data, it took a coalition of UC students to fight for disaggregated data. While framed as a campaign to create a more inclusive campus by allowing students already admitted to correctly identify themselves, the Count Me In Campaign had many other purposes such as being able to see more clearly who is applying to the UCs and who is GETTING IN to the UCs. This information would definitely be helpful for outreach purposes.

While similar in essence, these posters by the CSU about “How to Get into College” arguably brings this issue of inclusiveness it to the next level. While disaggregating admissions data and having “How to Get into College” posters are important because it recognize our communities and the diversity within the “AAPI” group… but I think these “How to Get into College” posters can also be seen as the CSU system taking an active role in not just counting but RECRUITING students from particular backgrounds too.

While the Count Me In Campaign told us, “Yes, you are a student here” and “Yes, you have the right to be counted”… these posters somewhat say, “Yes, you are a California” and “Yes, you have the right to go to this school too!”

Both are necessary and work hand in hand and it’s nice to see that CSU recognizes the Hmong community.

Now, let’s fight to get these posters in Khmer, Lao, and Mien too!

Then, let’s fight to get these posters for the UC system too!

----

If you or someone you know would like to work on the campaign to advocate for these posters in more Southeast Asian languages, please contact us at fishsauce@googlegroups.com

Call Me Mellow Yellow

2009-05-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

and i quote “when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right…amen”

to barack obama’s reverend
thank you for mentioning asian people
thaaaaank you for saying yellow
big ups to do you, dude
you know, in a country that only plays up white, black and brown
it’s nice to have the existence of asian folks acknowledged every

once and awhile

thanks for giving us the shot-out we deserve
shiiiiiiit, it’s about time, aint it?

however to reverend lowry
thanks
but no thanks
i understand that it was in good humor
but i see nothing humorous or laughable in challenging racism with stereotypes
pray to a god for a future in which “yellow will be mellow”?

and i hope that these are not the sentiments of president obama
i mean a black president is great,
but a president black-white-brown-yellow-red,-every color of the rainbow
that expects me to be mellow in the yellow of my melanin is not my president

as being yellow and mellow means accepting
complacency
meaning forget the ready to fuck shit up-southeast-asian-third-world-for-my-people-organizer in me
meaning, don’t trip, be the fuckin take it up the butt, but don’t say a fuckin word about it model minority

meaning relax, be cool about how the u.s. has [listed in chronological order]:

bombed us.
displaced us from our homes.
refugeed us.
displaced us from our land.
foreign visa, greencarded, allowed-limited-entrance to us.
displaced us from our families.
vasectomied the fuck outta of us.
displaced our mothers from reproductive organs.
section8ed then evicted us.
displaced us from our community
finally repatriated and deported us.
displaced us from a u.s. not meant for us.

meaning
recite national anthems about how bombs are bursting in air
while forgetting that u.s. bombs burst on our peoples ground

not i

if being mellow is what it takes for my yellow ass to be american
then identify me as perpetual foreigner
sounds better than
uhhhmmm

perpetual land taker
perpetual rapist
perpetual exploitist
perpetual colonizer

shit call me an illegal alien
i don’t give a fuck.
i will embrace my alienhood
"i am so alien."
in every sense of the word, i am an extrasaucyextraterrestrial
and i phone home in alien languages.

so chain me to silent?
chain me to complacent?
chain me down to mellow, down to earth human?

not i

i am so outta this world
my movement cannot be chained
fuck being down to earth
i rip free
emerge from the clouds and the sky
actually fuck the clouds and the sky, that’s still earth
the sky is never the limit and
the clouds are just sandboxes in my playground-i am-so-fly

off the groud
outta this world
outta this planet

i’m strawsippin juice right outta the coconut and eating papaya salad while i sit on the rings of saturn-im-so-fuckin-fly

and in my flyness
i am not alone
i am traveling the universe and exploring the galaxies with my yellow sistas and brothas
and we are the moon, we are the stars, shit we are exploded star known as the sun
and yes as the sun we are yellow
and we are hot, angry, pissed off, and ready to give scathing burns to those referring to us as mellow

Family Communic(asian)

2009-05-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

One of the great benefits of creating a space like Dipped in Fish Sauce is to not only share the writer's thoughts on important issues, but to welcome the readership's opinions and perspectives too. Let's make this blog a community sound board yeah? The more participation, the better!

So after hearing some feedback on my latest post, The Blame Game, I had a chance to thumb over some thoughts about family communication, and I guess in this case, family communic(asian). Basically...how Asian families communicate.

When I referenced communication in Asian families to be insensitive, closed off, and full of saving-face pride... I was being sarcastic. And unlike very many people who have possibly internalized the way they were raised to communicate (which is totally okay!), I am actually very proud of how my family, especially my war-inflicted-refugee parents, express their love to me.

When I think about how my parents communicate with me, I try to consider a whole host of factors including: How the war hardened their emotional vulnerabilities. How my grandparents raised them in the 40s and 50s. How much additional energy they must put into raising me after resettling in America and raising 3 other siblings already. How my American values conflicts with my Vietnamese values. And how the American educational institution challenges a Confucius influenced disciplinary routine.

As children of immigrants and refugees born in America, think about how you were raised to socialize with others... from what perspective do you criticize and question your experiences? Here's my perspective.

'I'm so upset at you, Ba Ma. Frosh-soph, junior varsity, varsity. This is my FOURTH year playing basketball and you haven't come to ONE of my games. Why can't you be like Stephanie's mom and dad? They haven't missed any games. Whatever. I'm used to it. Teacher conferences, open houses, and after school day care. I'm used to it.'

Sound familiar? Well, maybe a variation of it then?

I threw tantrums when Ba didn't buy me flashy expensive toys. I didn't care that he brought home the newest Disney movie on VHS for me every other week instead. It didn't matter that my parents missed so many basketball games because they were working their asses off dealing with corrupt HMOs while getting ripped off by insurance companies daily. I didn't care that my siblings were obligated by my parents to sacrifice their youth growing up to take care of me instead. I didn't even realize that they chose to buy moderately-priced cars instead of BMWs and Lexuses to save money for my college education. And I sure didn't appreciate how my mom managed to make home-cooked meals every single night of the week despite coming home far past the 9am-5pm work day. These subtle sacrifices, comprises, and expressions of love... they never occurred to me.

Why? Because my Vietnamese parents didn't express their love to me similar to the way I saw White parents treat their children on TV, in books, and in my own white-suburban neighborhood where stay-at-home-moms flocked local schools at 2:30pm to pick up their kids (while I walked home from the bus stop)... I just couldn't believe that they cared about me growing up.

But I was wrong. So so wrong. And pretty selfish, self-centered too.

My perception and definition of what family love and communication should be like was blinded by an un-contextualized sense of resentment created by my immersion in American culture and societal norms.

Now when I define healthy communication, I define it from a set of experiences untainted by the dominating influence of my American values.

Insensitive, closed off, and full of save-face pride ? Nope, just the opposite for 'Asian' families. But only if you look beyond the surface of their actions will you find real, deeply rooted intentions. Intentions that are clouded by ideals imposed on our "place" in this society, but full of love and care for you.

Healthy discussions

2009-04-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

I read this opinion yesterday on the "Return of Affirmative Action?" and found I have a lot of disagreement with it. In fact, I was going 'wtf?' a whole lot. That's not cool. So in responding to it, I will try to be nice, civil, decorous, whatever you want to call it. It's difficult for me to articulate a critique of colorblind racism or ignorance of Southeast Asian Americans well, but I'll try. (As Miguel would say, roastin' muthafuckas!)

First, we need to think about what affirmative action means. Since its inception, the University of California has been an historically white, Protestant, heterosexual male college. So I disagree with the author when she states "Statistically, the percentage of Asian-American UCLA students has always been high, and my peers at UC Berkeley resounded the same sentiment." How could the % of Asian Americans at UCLA have always been high when there is a rich history of exclusion?

The role of affirmative action has been to attempt to balance the scales of admission so that historically underrepresented groups have that much more of a level playing field. I recently got the opportunity to hear Professor Devon Carbado speak on this, and apparently a lot of people believe that affirmative action is this "thumb on the scale" that overwhelming favors students of color over whites. That's assuming the scales are balanced in the first place, which they aren't. (And of course, the term "Asian American" just throws things out of whack, but I'll get to that.)
Even when you put the thumb on the scale, affirmative action does not overcome other factors like refugee or immigrant backgrounds, poverty, lack of social capital, inequalities in K-12 education, underrepresentation in media and politics, and limited-English proficiency.

Second, how does affirmative action affect Asian Americans, specifically Southeast Asian Americans? I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that while APAs have a very high percentage of educational attainment (~25%), Southeast Asians have relatively lower percentages. In her article "Southeast Asian American Youth: Not the 'Model Minority'", Ka-Ying Yang articulates why that is, and why there is such an important need for disaggregation. That is, distinguishing ethnicities so that we can see where communities are at. So we're not all

Maybe then people will see that Southeast Asian Americans' educational attainment percentages are lower than the population as a whole. And that Cambodian, Hmong, and Laotian percentages are lower than those of Blacks, Native Americans, and Latinos (see Figure 1). Maybe then, people will think twice when they say things like "There were many days within my four years where I really wished that there were less Asian-American students."

Really? No, really, what the fuck? Lemme tell you something. There were even more days when I wished there were more diverse Asian-American students, not to mention more Pacific Islanders. And I don't want to sound mean, but fuck it, Imma just say it: There were many days within my three years where I really wished there were less SPOILED, apathetic, ELITIST, don't-give-a-shit-about-nobody-but-myself, narcissistic-ass Asian American students. Fuck you and your sense of entitlement.

Third, what does the UC's new policy mean? I believe what the UC is trying to do with this policy is turn communities against each other. Blacks and Latinos against Asian Americans. Whites against Asian Americans. East Asian Americans against Southeast Asian Americans. Classic divide and conquer tactics. And it's working (see article). See how angry I was in the previous paragraph? All for demonstrative purposes. How helpful was it that I said that? Not very. But at the same time, how do Southeast Asians get that shit across to other groups, to East Asians, to Latinos, to Blacks, to whites?

Asian American. How ironic that this once empowering term no longer fits. I'm tired of always having to explain, having to teach, having to represent and say, "hey, what you're saying, it don't make no fucking sense." That's a tool of the master, says Audre Lorde, keeping us busy with explaining while the oppressor keeps on with the oppressing.

In the last paragraph, the author writes:

"Personally, I want to believe that the UC's intent behind this policy is not for the purpose of increasing diversity, but I do believe that that will be the result. Moreover, I do not believe it will be for the betterment of the UC institution altogether - with what I believe are lowered standards for admissions, the overall integrity and academic excellence of the schools will consequently drop as well."

Oh... I get it. Diversity is bad because we're lowering our standards. It's not the fault of the racist and sexist institutions, it's the fault of underrepresented groups for not being white or manly enough. I get it! Thanks, thanks so much for clearing that up.

Vietnamese Refugee Day

2009-04-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Congressman ~~Anh~~ "Joseph" Cao:

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you on your many accomplishments this year. Not only are the highest ranked Vietnamese American elected official and first Vietnamese American elected to service in our fine country's Congress, you are a Republican that has been elected to represent a predominantly Democratic district of Louisiana.

In fact, you’re the first Republican to be elected to represent the Second District of Louisiana since 1891.

While some may argue that your victory only occurred due to very rare circumstances, such as running against a Democratic candidate marred by controversy and low voter turn out as a result of Hurricane Gustav, I still take great pride that someone who is sometimes called a community organizer, has advocated for the rights of immigrants and refugees, and whose family was also torn apart by the war in Southeast Asia, has accomplished such things.

I only wish that you were able to see these connections between you and me that I see so clearly.

I actually had the amazing opportunity to meet you in March at the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus (CAPAC) event to welcome newly elected Asian and Pacific Americans to CAPAC. I commend your effort to be bi-partisan and join a heavily Democratic Caucus – making CAPAC the only bi-partisan Congressional caucus based on race.

When you admitted that you “may be a closet Democrat,” I wished you were telling the truth instead of just cracking a joke.

I know you’ve been faced with some obstacles since joining office, especially with concerns from your constituents regarding the economic stimulus package, but I’m glad that you are trying to build those bridges. I mean, seeing that your first piece of legislation passed unanimously, I guess you can say that you’ve definitely build some bi-partisan bridges in Congress.

However, how about those bridges that exist in your district? Does this piece of legislation address the concerns of your constituents in your district?

I think voting for the economic stimulus package might have.

~~How about those bridges that exist in our community?~~

I can take a hint. You’ve gone and drawn the line very clearly between you and me.

Regardless, I’m happy to see that you’re using your POWER – as the first Vietnamese American to serve in the US Congress – and PRIVILEGE – as a product of the main Viet Nam War and not just a product of one of the satellite wars – to empower and bring voice to YOUR community.

I only hope that one day… I will be able to have the same power and privilege to do something as honorable as H.Res. 342.

However, when I say similar, I mean similarly honorable but not similarly narrow, exclusive, self-centered, and self-serving.

Love&Solidarity,
Monica

The Blame Game

2009-04-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Only the Daily Cal shared the tragic news of Vi Nguyen's recent suicide at UC Berkeley. As someone who cares a great deal about the issue of mental health, I am deeply saddened to see Vi Nguyen's story be thrown into the forgotten statistic of "suicides committed by college aged students."

Contrastingly though, just weeks ago, mainstream media everywhere exploded with news and speculations about the shooting by a Chinese-Vietnamese refugee from small town Binghamton, New York. Similar to the incident at Virginia Tech, several news sources and all-knowing academic elitists fittingly linked the motives behind these tragic decisions to "immigration" and the "immigrant" story.

We blame the South-Korean immigrant. We blame the Chinese-Vietnamese refugee. They couldn't speak English very well. They isolated themselves. They were mentally unstable. They had no friends. So what did they do? They took revenge, killed innocent people, and then killed themselves. How pathetic. How cowardly. How selfish. We blame you.

And who are the players involved in the 'blame game' when we see SUICIDES committed by "immigrants"?

Recent studies show that the percentage of Asian American women committing suicide is overwhelmingly high. Much of the research shows that a significant factor in suicides by Asian American women has been the 'family' factor.

"The line of communication in Asian culture one way. It's communicated from the parents downward. If you can't express your anger, it turns to helplessness. It turns inward into depression for girls. For boys it's more likely to turn outwards into rebellious behavior and behavioral problems like drinking and fighting."

We attribute your decision in committing suicide to your culture. Your insensitive, closed off, save-face-prideful culture. Asian immigrant families, unlike American families, don't know how to communicate with each other. Asian immigrant families, unlike American families, don't know how to express their emotions to each other. So, we blame the 'immigrant family' factor. Your immigrant family. We blame you.

Vi Nguyen and Jiverly Wong lived separate stories, made different decisions, but came to the same fate. The decisions to take their own lives may have been rooted in the same seed. The seed of self-blame.

But... how is 'self-blame' cultivated in our society? Our social environments? Our media outlets?

For Hee Sun Park, Eliza Noh's sister, Ying Liu, and many others... the question must transcend beyond the implications of the Model Minority Myth and its pressure on Asian Americans...and for once, consider America's tendency to quickly blame the you - the individual, the immigrant, the refugee, the foreigner - instead of taking great responsibility for contributing to the growing and disempowering culture of 'self blame'.

After all, we all are human. We can't do every thing on our own. And we surely can't blame ourselves for every single thing that goes wrong in our own lives. We need each other, more than society allows us to admit.

Wars are fought twice

2009-04-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

The first time on the battlefield, and the second time in memory, says Viet Nguyen in an article online. (Before you laugh, academia, though not current events, has some importance too.)

This is something I often think about, how "the past" and "history" tangle and tango. I remember having a nice sit down talk with Monica and Kim at Smart Alec's. Kim was doing an intern interview and I tagged along. I forget the details, but I remember asking Monica something along the lines of "so how come you're not a communist?". Outrageous, I know. I was a young student, high on fresh radicalization and politicization, not yet able to make the connections between the personal and political. And I'll always remember her response. No, I'm not. Because of what they did to my parents and grandparents.
Yes. Our parents, our grandparents. Did the war, refugee, and resettlement experience not mean anything to me? How could I not see it?

Here's an explanation. I grew up with a hesitant pro-USA mindset. Even though I'm not from "Orange Fucking County", there was definitely that influence. And I knew there was something very wrong with it, something didn't fit. And then I got to Berkeley and learned of all these decolonial, anti-imperial movements going on in the middle of the 20th century, and it all made sense to me. Or so I thought.

Yet both sides had been grossly over-romanticized. Going from "USA=good and Communists=bad" to "USA=the devil and Communists=heroes" was a shift in my mind that didn't really get me to think and form my own version of history. And that's something Southeast Asians have to deal with. This in between space that Danielle is talking about. How do we critique one master narrative without landing in another? I mean, 30-something years has gone by and how do you respond to KFC in Viet Nam? Ideology is truly deceiving. So how do we make sure our narratives of history are present and not complicit with ones that ignore or shun or wrong us?

According to Viet Nguyen's article, nations do it through monuments. We can do it through our monumental expressions, like this blog, and through our enduring art, like this:

2009-04-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

"As details emerged about Wong's life -- recently laid off, troubled by poor language skills, unable to find a toehold in the United States -- many Vietnamese here saw their own struggles in his travails. It was a reminder, as if they needed one, that their transition from war-torn Vietnam to Binghamton has not always been easy." - LA Times

If I had a chance to catch Jiverly before he blocked the entrance of the immigration services building, this is what I would share with him.

Jiverly,

You are not alone. Your life here in America as a refugee from Vietnam is difficult, painful beyond imagination. You were forced here to America because your homeland was plagued with war. You had no choice. You didn't want to come here, you had to come here - for survival, for freedom, for an opportunity to live a better life. You got here and you were overwhelmed with challenges to integrate everything you know...into a not-so-accepting-nor-embracing American culture. You were not an immigrant, you were a refugee. People probably didn't understand that. You felt stuck. Stuck right in the middle. The dark and confusing middle between your Vietnamese and American identities. You didn't speak English well enough to be welcomed by your co-workers. Yet you didn't speak Vietnamse well enough to feel comfortable at Vietnamese social gatherings. You wondered, "Where do I stand in this world? Where do I belong? Where is my home?" You moved back and forth between the coasts. Moving was easy for you, fleeing was easy. You did it once before already. From the land of your birth. So what's another two or three more times? Dislocation, displacement. You found comfort in displacing yourself for months on end, trying your hardest to find your niche, and doing so without much support, resources, and empowerment.

Jiverly, your frustration and sense of loss are not your fault. You did not breed this culture, it bred you. Vietnamese roots watered with American-influenced values. It wasn't you who couldn't fit in. It was society that couldn't fit you in.

Jiverly, you're not alone.

Danielle

Visas to the United States

2009-04-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you Danielle for sharing this article about how Visa rules are widening the rift between families.

This reminds me how my extended family and my mother and father's immediate family are spread across 4 countries: china, laos, thailand, and the united states.

Also, my grandmother's children and grandchildren here in the u.s. are spread across 4 states (well, i guess technically 3 states and 1 district).

Kind of ridiculous seeing that back in the the "homeland," my family used to live in a cul-de-sac / U shape kinda situation . . with the parents' house in the center and each of the houses of each of the children spanning outward towards the "main" street.

I guess there is little hope that my mother and father will ever have a real "family reunion." I mean, if the Senior Senator from the largest state in the country couldn't even use her power to leverage Luong Vu's case, I'm not sure where that leaves other immigrant families.

May 2009: A Push for Immigration Reform

2009-04-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

The New York Times reported that President Obama will finally make a push for comprehensive immigration reform this upcoming May. During the summer, work-groups comprising of policy-makers and immigration advocates will convene to discuss possible legislation to be introduced as early as this fall. The article mentions that Obama's call for immigration reform is a response to his campaign promise to the greater "Hispanic" community. Unfortunately, similar to most mainstream rhetoric used to describe the immigration "problem," the article fails to highlight national efforts to broaden the immigration debate. A debate that includes other ethnic communities impacted by America's broken immigration system. A debate that expands beyond the usual "he took my job" and "they don't pay taxes" argument. A debate that highlights the human aspect found at the root of all our immigrant and refugee journeys to America.

Congressman Gutierrez, Chair of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Immigration Task Force, has been touring the country since December, visiting Latino-based churches in a strong effort to stir public discussion around the issue. Recently, Congressman Honda, Chair of the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus, jointly organized an immigration event that brought in underrepresented voices to share their personal experiences with the immigration system.

For the first time ever, members from the Asian American Pacific Islander community walked on stage to tell America... "Yes, this is our issue too." One AAPI student shared a story about his friend who is an undocumented Cambodian student who recently graduated from college. Unfortunately, his friend is unable to use her college degree to further pursue her dreams of graduate school and a professional career.

She is a daughter of refugee parents, born in a Thai camp after the War in Southeast Asia. Her family escaped the Khmer Rouge, fleeing a genocide that killed an estimated 1.5 million people. They arrived here in America, but for some reason, they don't have any legal paperwork proving their status in America.

She grew up having to translate for her parents - not understanding why she had to learn how to navigate the American education system on her own. She grew up disconnected from her Khmer roots, feeling frustrated because her parents couldn't speak English like all the other parents. Despite her obstacles, she persevered and graduated from college with a degree in computer science. But now, too late, she realized that she can't go any further.

Without legal status, she'll face continuing struggles when applying for financial aid or for employment opportunities. But she's not alone.

About 40-44% of undocumented students in California are Asian. (We don't even know the break down of that statistic either.)

But most people are unaware of this fact. Despite the fear that plagues this issue, brave Asian American students have spoken out about their experiences in hopes of grasping attention of policy-makers...and the greater public.

This is why a complete overhaul of the current broken immigration system needs to happen today. Ideally, the DREAM Act would be included as one provision within a larger comprehensive immigration reform package. A package that rids this country of selfishness and resentment, one that opens the door (widely) to all immigrant and refugee peoples.

Andrew Lam

2009-04-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

someone needs to ask him to become their mentor . .

Check out his article on New America Media, Re-imagining the Self, Re-imagining America.

Binghamton, NY Shooting

2009-04-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

So on Friday, I worked my first 12 hour day. The Binghamton, NY shooting kept us on our toes as “news” came out almost instantly thanks to technology… and then new “news” came out a few minutes later to correct to clarify news thanks to technology.

While some of the most immediate impact will obviously be faced by the survivors, family & friends of the victims, and family & friends of Jiverly Wong… the truth of the matter is that this event could possibly have a major impact on whole communities of people that Jiverly Wong might not ever have known nor might not have ever identified with.

Details aside, I think it’s important to start flushing out some of the implications this incident will have on multiple levels of society… our society, our community.

So really…

What does this mean for the Vietnamese community?

… the Southeast Asian community?

… the immigrant and refugee communities?

… the Asian American community?

What does this mean for America?

What does this mean in general?

Since I’m not Vietnamese, maybe one of our Vietnamese bloggers can talk about the first question. I know Jiverly Wong was Chinese, but since he was Ethnic Chinese from Viet Nam, and is cited at multiple places as being a Vietnamese immigrant, this will ultimately make a difference.

Speaking from the Southeast Asian perspective, I think there are a few things.

First, in one article, they had some criminologist profile Mr. Wong as a “pseudo-commando” gunman. Since he blocked the back exit with his car to trap his potential victims and wore armor, I guess that makes him look like he was preparing for war. Vietnamese, along with other Southeast Asian communities (and a bunch of other refugees from all over the place) that came here to the U.S. as a result of war obviously experienced and even took part in some intense warfare. However, will this kind of behavior make people think that we can no longer differentiate between war-mode and resettlement-mode?

Second, I wonder if this will help us perpetuate the already prominent ethnic funk that exists within the Southeast Asian community. Ethnic-Vietnamese blaming ethnic-Chinese from Viet Nam for giving them a bad name. Khmer, Lao, or Hmong folks blaming Vietnamese people for giving everyone a bad name… then Ethnic-Vietnamese arguing that it wasn’t them… it was the Chinese. I can picture a beautiful shout match in my mind now.

Next, what does this mean for the Asian American Community?

You know, that identity that is a bit problematic to begin with?

So first, one thing we want to avoid is apologizing. Apologizing as a community for the act of one individual. However, on the other extreme of things, I wanted to comment on Angry Asian Man’s post about the shooting. Honestly, while I don’t think we should apologize for Jiverly Wong’s acts… I don’t really understand what Angry Asian man means when he says he wants us to “help each other deal” with the economic hardships… while calling each other cowards. I don’t know. The entire post looks a lot like pulling-yourself-up-by-your-boot-straps-ish and has nothing to do with helping each other deal with the economic crisis. It reminds me a little bit about those facebook groups that were somewhere along the lines of “Koreans against Seung-Hui Cho” or whatever. Isn’t there something in the middle between standing in solidarity and apologizing versus completely ostracizing someone?

To be very honest, we were tipped off on this issue from a Korean American organization who heard because it was happening at an immigration services center. Once they found out that the person might be Vietnamese, they called us so that we wouldn’t have to go through the same kind of backlash they went through with the Virginia Tech shootings. The New York Times characterized this as the “nation’s worst killings since the 2007 massacre at Virginia Tech.” Thanks. So now we have crazy killing Koreans and crazy killing Vietnamese people as well.

In addition to the Asian American Community… I think something can be said about what this means for the entire Immigrant and Refugee Communities in general as well.

First, although I was in Thailand during the VT shooting… I remember there being a huge hype about it. A lot more people were calling him crazy… A lot more people were calling all Koreans crazy… And a lot more people calling all Asian and immigrants crazy. Now, I’m not complaining about now having to deal with too much media buzz about this… but really.

Why are people not as quick to judge or to criticize?

Is it because they learned their lessons from VT? Probably not. I mean, if they did… kudos to them… but really? REALLY?

Is it because they sympathize with him and the economic crisis? Probably not. I mean, the VT shooter definitely had some issues and no one sympathized with him.

Or… is it because this is just another case of an immigrant shooting up other immigrants? DING DING DING. Call me a pessimist… but seriously. In the VT shootings, the bougie parents of the bougie students who went to the bougie school of course were outraged… which made mainstream American outraged. However, I think while some folks are trying to compare this to the VT Shootings, I think this is more comparable to violence that occurs in the urban and inner cities. It’s like that saying someone (I think it was Maurice) said: When white people jump on cars… it call it the free speech movement. When black folks jump on cars… they call it a riot.

Besides the lack of media hype around this… I’m also worried about the implications this might have on the immigrant and refugee communities in terms of policy. First, with the immigrant community. Since he came to the U.S. in the 1990s… I’m guessing it was through family reunification… which is a huge part of Comprehensive Immigration Reform. Second, if he was a refugee, I wonder if folks will be using this as a way to restrict refugee admission levels. Lastly, closer to the Southeast Asian and Vietnamese communities… maybe folks will start to think that signing repatriation was a great idea.

While most Americans, white Americans, would love to make this a Vietnamese thing, a Southeast Asian thing, an Asian thing, or an immigrant and refugee thing… this issue also highlights many of the broader problems in American society.

The first that really attracts me is the concept of being American. Jiverly was a naturalized citizen. He paid that hundreds of dollars, passed that horrid U.S. history test, and raise his right hand and took an oath to be an American. However, what did America and other Americans do in turn? Did they welcome him and his big dreams with open arms? Did they say, “Jiverly, we’re glad that you’re not American just like us.” No. Not exactly. Well, not really at all. They made fun of his speaking skills. They made things so bad that he hated America. Now, what does being American really mean? How does American live up to the idea that this country is a nation of immigrants… a multi-ethnic nation?

On a less theoretical level… many articles have cited that Jiverly was a gun enthusiast. What does this mean about our nation’s gun laws?

In addition, of course, ultimately, this along with the string of shootings in the U.S. in the past month… it comes down to the economy. However, is the economy just becoming the excuse for everything nowadays? I think there might be something to be said about the economy and mounting frustrations due to unemployment and such… but I also think there are bigger problems at work here as well.

I guess all in all… this is something that affects everyone in the U.S…. but maybe since the people it affects the most are amongst the most silent, there isn’t going to be too much buzz, negative or positive, about Jivery Wong.