Gon But Not Forgot

My buddy Henry watching the sunset at Ha Long Bay, Aug. 2013.

I.
You and I fall through time, it
Sways us back and forth yet we're here now in spirit
Like a calm ocean bubbling with violent rage, you ebb and flow.
Trying my hardest to swim it one way but another way you go.
You’re lost in a current, in the current too
And though it builds up and up, in an instant you’re gone
Things can never go back to the way they were, Saigon
Even when you rise refreshed and anew.

II.
I dreamed of you, stories and images filling the blanks, long before
Ever crossing the sea and your door
Your charm and seduction almost convinced me
To forget as the world does of your pretty frailty.

III. Consolation and Solace
I fell in love with the new you
As even those cast away find a way to
Steady us from the back and forth
Reminding us of your old and new worth
You can help us get where we’re going
Our memory of you we trust
You keep the water flowing
And you time travel with us.

40th Anniversary of the Southeast Asian Diaspora

Chiang Rai Refugee Camp, Thailand, sometime between 1975 and 1980: Papa Thammarath and Mama Thammarath

I admit.

Growing up, I was one of those high achieving, highly tracked, annoyingly arrogant students that lived up to the model minority stereotype (ironically spend my professional life trying to dismantle this stereotype, but that is another topic).

I particularly loved social studies and history . . so much so that I actually believed that my father lied to me about being a refugee from Laos. I thought all the stories he told me as a child about fleeing Laos, villages being shot up, piles of bodies on the side of the road, my grandfather dying fighting alongside American soldiers, secretly paddling across the Mekong River at night time, and living in refugee camps were just made up because I read about the Viet Nam War and all the other wars . . there was never any mention of a war in Laos. Any refugees from Laos. Anything, really, about Laos.

My conclusion was that my text books were right and my father was wrong. Unfortunately, it was me and my text books that were completely wrong.

Anyway, there are some amazing stories being posted to commemorate the 40th Anniversary of the Southeast Asian Diaspora. Here is one: Our Vietnam War Never Ended.

Cambodian American Testimonies on Khmer Rouge Tribunal

Cambodian American Testimonies on Khmer Rouge Tribunal from New America Media on Vimeo.

Healing Has No End

My brother's family recently moved to San Jose into a small one story home with an old family friend of ours. This old family friend knew my parents and grandparents from way back when in Viet Nam. She is now a widow and has been living alone since her husband passed just a few months ago. She kindly opened up her home to my brother and his new family. Since he moved there, I've been visiting often.

Not sure why, but today something sparked my interest in her family's story as I was sitting there eating the sauteed beef and peas with rice. So I started asking her a series of questions without much pause in between.

"So Auntie...can I ask, when did your family come to the US?"
"...1986."
"How did you get here?"
"...Sponsorship by my sister."
"What happened to your family after 1975?"
"...We stayed in Sai Gon."
"Did your husband go to reeducation camp like my dad?"
"...Yes, for 2-3 years."
"What were you doing while your husband was in camp?"
"...I was taking care of my 4 kids alone."
"How old were your kids at the time?"
"...My husband left on the 23rd. I had my youngest just 12 hours after he left."
"Ohhh k...so what was life like when the Viet Cong took over?"

...silence...

I stopped chewing and placed my chop sticks on the plate. She was still facing the stove stirring the soup in the pot. I leaned to the side to see if she had heard my question but noticed that her cheeks were getting red. She started sniffling quietly and tears began to fill her eyes. She started shaking her head, shocked at her own reaction to my seemingly harmless questions. Shaking her head vigorously as if to shake the tears from her memories.

I didn't know what to say.

I felt so guilty.

I started explaining to her why I was so curious about her family's history and experiences. Telling her about the growing disconnect between refugee parents and their children and how the gap will eventually lead to an out-of-touch generation. I told her that hearing such stories are important to me, and helpful in understanding my parents and grandparents.

She responded,"My memories are too painful to recall. Let's not talk about it now." She remained silent, pulled deep into her thoughts as she continued to cook.

I withdrew and finished eating my rice. I got lost in my own thoughts. This experience just reaffirmed my understanding of disruption. Disruption of refugee memories, families, culture and experiences. I was reminded that the healing process sometimes never has an end. And that those of the first generation who struggled through the war and resettlement experience first hand are still scarred so deeply... yet remain so silent.

And for the Southeast Asian refugee, this silence... is worse than the belligerent outcry or the emotional rage.

How do we contribute to the healing process?

Big Trouble in Little Saigon

Due to the recent classiness of Republicans in the news, especially those from Orange County, I figure it would be relevant to talk about the upcoming 2010 US House elections regarding California's 47th District. Loretta Sanchez, a "Blue Dog" Democrat, is currently the representative and she will probably continue being so after the election, based on past election results. Still, the Republican Party won't go down without a fight, so why not throw in some Vietnamese dudes into the mix?

So, we've already got Van Tran, about whom Danielle has already written, and as you can see from this OC Register piece, we've now got Quang X. Pham. From the article, it is stated Pham is gaining some ground through the raising of some much-needed funds and Tran has lost a bit of his sparkle from some involvement in a DUI case involving a Westminster Councilmember. (Also from the article, they used a pretty bad photo of Pham, which is cut off below his nose and shows him really pale.)

better looking photo of Pham

So who is this Quang X. Pham? A quick search yields some articles he wrote about war in Iraq and Vietnam and a piece about President Ford shortly after he died. And of course, his campaign site. From the bio, it mentions his history: "Quang 'Q' Pham, 44, is a healthcare entrepreneur, community leader, decorated Marine Corps veteran, and author". Quite an interesting story, if you read the rest of the bio. Very American Dream-y, he and his story are. In fact, he embodies very much what a lot of people think of when they imagine Orange County in their minds. To quote a FiveThirtyEight piece:

unapologetic anti-communism, embrace of the military-industrial complex, strong Christian family values, suburbanization, bootstrap entrepreneurialism, and a fierce resistance to big government, new taxes and the welfare state.

I'm not sure about the Christian values part, but I'm pretty sure about everything else. His chances of doing well in an OC election would be pretty good, except for the fact that the 47th District is one of the more diverse districts, with the number of Democrats actually outnumbering Republicans.

So that sort of paints a picture of who he is, but why should one vote for him? What's he running on? On his site, there's not really a section that talks about a platform with specific issues. Rather, a visitor is given a generic introduction. Let's take a look:

There's a short bio of Pham, and then the line "Now there's a fresh voice and a new choice." Oh dang, I'm totally digging the internal rhyme. +1 right there. Here's the next paragraph:

I joined the Republican Party for its principled stance on less government, lower taxes and sensible and strong national defense. I believe in individual choices, liberty and the right to pursue happiness. I believe in personal responsibility and respect for others.

Nothing to disagree with here (except maybe the part about sensibility). That's the Republican party. The rest are things that are not very controversial, like saying I believe in freedom and democracy and being nice to people. Then, the next two paragraphs are the most interesting, as they have the most content in them. Still, there is not really a clear platform, but just a bit less vagueness.

And, the pièce de résistance, his personal story of overcoming adversity and achieving the American Dream: When I arrived in America as a boy from Vietnam, I had lost my country, my freedom and my father. Yet the American Dream was still attainable. It took dedication, encouragement, hard work and perseverance. And it can still be done. We need leaders who will emphasize self-sufficiency and who will inspire others to seek opportunities--not just government handouts.

If he can do it, why can't everyone else? Come on people, jeez! This is a simple sufficient-necessary relationship. If you work hard, then you'll achieve the American Dream. Thus, the contrapositive follows as true: if you did not achieve the American Dream, then you did not work hard. Simple as that, no other factors like structural inequalities or institutional barriers. [side note: too much sarcasm and too much LSAT studying make my head hurt.]

[Edit: the inverse of this had me thinking for awhile. One could say if you have achieved the American Dream, then you've worked hard. I guess it makes sense like that, but too many people do the reverse and that is how you get to the conclusion of people blaming others for their failures or non-realizations of whatever it is the American Dream is.]

Even Craig Nelson (Mr. Incredible hisself) knows what's up: "I've been on food stamps and welfare, anybody help me out? No. No." You think about that.

And... I'll just leave it at that. Before I'm down though, I wanted to share this endearing clip of Loretta Sanchez during the 2008 DNC. Yeah, she's definitely gonna be re-elected.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Criticisms?

Bao Phi Blogging

Hey Folks . . so some of you might think this is a cop out on blogging on my own, but please check out Bao Phi's blog in the Twin Cities' Star Tribune.

His first post is pretty freaking awesome.

He's going to be blogging there for a few months so y'all should support him and help to balance out the crazy mainstream comments he might get.

Slanty Eyes, Morning Interrupted

It's funny to think that today I woke up this morning feeling excited to remember and celebrate our great President's birthday. Then my morning enthusiasm was quickly shaken out of me during my regular 17 minute drive to work.

You know. My regular route. Familiar traffic lights, stop signs, and speed limits. I typically embrace the short ride in the morning, usually because I clear my mind with my favorite tunes or listen to NPR Morning Edition...

But today, it was different. My regular route was rudely and abruptly interrupted by a reckless-White-male-driver who saw me driving 45 mph... about 1/8 of a mile away from his wait at the stop sign to turn right on to the same road. This White man... with his blue trucker hat, riding in his damn dated-over-sized-fuel-guzzling-trashy-Bronco-truck, decided to make the right turn anyways... AND not even try to speed up to at least 40mph to avoid what could have easily been a collision had I not quickly changed lanes into a luckily open left lane. At this point, I'm quietly upset.

As I pass him on the left, I'm shaking my head, smiling... looking straight ahead.

Curious to see if I had amused him at all, I glanced to my right and lo and behold... the asshole has both his hands up to his eyes, index fingers pointed inwards to lift the skin on the sides of his racist eyes, slanting them up to creatively imitate, I guess... ME?

Fuck you guy, fuck you. You're so CLEVER! Thinking that though you were the one who made the stupid decision to take a high-risk right turn... to almost cause an absolutely preventable accident...to pretty much debunk the stereotype that Asian women can't drive because it is YOU who can't drive... that making an unoriginal slanty eyes face to mock me would make you feel better... about your ignorant, socially-unconscious-because-you-don't-have-to-be, limited in perspective thing... that you call your life.

A thirty second experience warped my thoughts to date back to 1979, the year my family resettled in America. Obvious instances and subtle stints of racist treatment that they may not even remember 30 years ago. Obvious instances and subtle stints of racism that exists today, still with the election of our first African American President.

Happy Birthday President Obama. Don't celebrate too long. We still got a lot of work to do.