Healing Has No End

My brother's family recently moved to San Jose into a small one story home with an old family friend of ours. This old family friend knew my parents and grandparents from way back when in Viet Nam. She is now a widow and has been living alone since her husband passed just a few months ago. She kindly opened up her home to my brother and his new family. Since he moved there, I've been visiting often.

Not sure why, but today something sparked my interest in her family's story as I was sitting there eating the sauteed beef and peas with rice. So I started asking her a series of questions without much pause in between.

"So Auntie...can I ask, when did your family come to the US?"
"...1986."
"How did you get here?"
"...Sponsorship by my sister."
"What happened to your family after 1975?"
"...We stayed in Sai Gon."
"Did your husband go to reeducation camp like my dad?"
"...Yes, for 2-3 years."
"What were you doing while your husband was in camp?"
"...I was taking care of my 4 kids alone."
"How old were your kids at the time?"
"...My husband left on the 23rd. I had my youngest just 12 hours after he left."
"Ohhh k...so what was life like when the Viet Cong took over?"

...silence...

I stopped chewing and placed my chop sticks on the plate. She was still facing the stove stirring the soup in the pot. I leaned to the side to see if she had heard my question but noticed that her cheeks were getting red. She started sniffling quietly and tears began to fill her eyes. She started shaking her head, shocked at her own reaction to my seemingly harmless questions. Shaking her head vigorously as if to shake the tears from her memories.

I didn't know what to say.

I felt so guilty.

I started explaining to her why I was so curious about her family's history and experiences. Telling her about the growing disconnect between refugee parents and their children and how the gap will eventually lead to an out-of-touch generation. I told her that hearing such stories are important to me, and helpful in understanding my parents and grandparents.

She responded,"My memories are too painful to recall. Let's not talk about it now." She remained silent, pulled deep into her thoughts as she continued to cook.

I withdrew and finished eating my rice. I got lost in my own thoughts. This experience just reaffirmed my understanding of disruption. Disruption of refugee memories, families, culture and experiences. I was reminded that the healing process sometimes never has an end. And that those of the first generation who struggled through the war and resettlement experience first hand are still scarred so deeply... yet remain so silent.

And for the Southeast Asian refugee, this silence... is worse than the belligerent outcry or the emotional rage.

How do we contribute to the healing process?

Bao Phi Blogging

Hey Folks . . so some of you might think this is a cop out on blogging on my own, but please check out Bao Phi's blog in the Twin Cities' Star Tribune.

His first post is pretty freaking awesome.

He's going to be blogging there for a few months so y'all should support him and help to balance out the crazy mainstream comments he might get.

Van Tran, You Are Not My Future

Dear Assemblymember Tran,

My name is Thanh Truc Duong, and here is my short story. I am second generation Vietnamese American. I was born in the City of Garden Grove, one of the seven cities that you proudly serve. My parents and siblings are refugees of the American War in Southeast Asia.

In 1978, shortly after my father was released from "reeducation camp," my family fled by foot late at night, barely escaping the hands of Vietnamese communists, leaving everything they knew as "home" behind. On a 50-foot fishing boat, they sat cramped and quietly with hundreds of other Vietnamese refugees, waiting patiently to cross the seas, praying for clear skies and a ocean pathway absent of hungry pirates. Blessed by the Buddha's watch, they made it safely to Malaysia where they lived in a refugee camp for six months until being sponsored to America.

They first resettled in Hawthorne. While my father studied for months to regain his license as a family physician, my family lived on welfare. My mother worked multiple jobs as a caretaker, maid, and tailor to bring in any extra cash to help keep my 3 siblings out of trouble. Finally my father passed his certification. The economy was good in the 1980s, so they opened up a clinic with the intentions of serving recent immigrants and refugees in Westminster, families just like ours.

A few years later, I was born, and... here I am now. A recent graduate of the best public university in the world. Looking back at my story, I just can't say that it was solely my hard work that brought me to where I am today.

I read your short story too. Your entire refugee background was written so concisely into two sentences. You skillfully fit 34 years of experience with war, escape, diaspora, and resettlement into a brief and painfully distant paragraph.

As the first Vietnamese American to serve in elected office in the United States, I ask you this...

How has your Vietnamese American identity successfully thrown you into consideration as the "future of the GOP" yet barely be a point of discussion on your own website... or more importantly, how does your unique refugee background inform your policy decisions on immigration, education, and other matters impacting our communities ?

On the hard and cold surface level, our families may share the same history of war and displacement. But beyond that, the boot-straps approach and political ideology that you developed from your experiences are not mine.

So when I heard your announcement to run for Congress, my heart sank. As a progressive-minded second generation Vietnamese American, I do not believe that your narrowed, dated perspectives on social and economic issues will carry our growing, younger generation through the expected challenges and obstacles that face us in the decades to come.

As a native of Orange County, I will look to more forwards-thinking, inclusive-approaching, coalition-building, diplomatic and non-divisive leadership ... regardless of ethnicity.

I think it's time that the Vietnamese American community has a loud wake-up call. For our more privileged generation, being of Southeast Asian descent will no longer be enough.

Wishing you the best,
Thanh Truc Duong

Vietnamese Refugee Day

Dear Congressman Anh "Joseph" Cao:

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you on your many accomplishments this year. Not only are the highest ranked Vietnamese American elected official and first Vietnamese American elected to service in our fine country's Congress, you are a Republican that has been elected to represent a predominantly Democratic district of Louisiana.

In fact, you’re the first Republican to be elected to represent the Second District of Louisiana since 1891.

While some may argue that your victory only occurred due to very rare circumstances, such as running against a Democratic candidate marred by controversy and low voter turn out as a result of Hurricane Gustav, I still take great pride that someone who is sometimes called a community organizer, has advocated for the rights of immigrants and refugees, and whose family was also torn apart by the war in Southeast Asia, has accomplished such things.

I only wish that you were able to see these connections between you and me that I see so clearly.

I actually had the amazing opportunity to meet you in March at the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus (CAPAC) event to welcome newly elected Asian and Pacific Americans to CAPAC. I commend your effort to be bi-partisan and join a heavily Democratic Caucus – making CAPAC the only bi-partisan Congressional caucus based on race.

When you admitted that you “may be a closet Democrat,” I wished you were telling the truth instead of just cracking a joke.

I know you’ve been faced with some obstacles since joining office, especially with concerns from your constituents regarding the economic stimulus package, but I’m glad that you are trying to build those bridges. I mean, seeing that your first piece of legislation passed unanimously, I guess you can say that you’ve definitely build some bi-partisan bridges in Congress.

However, how about those bridges that exist in your district? Does this piece of legislation address the concerns of your constituents in your district?

I think voting for the economic stimulus package might have.

How about those bridges that exist in our community?

I can take a hint. You’ve gone and drawn the line very clearly between you and me.

Regardless, I’m happy to see that you’re using your POWER – as the first Vietnamese American to serve in the US Congress – and PRIVILEGE – as a product of the main Viet Nam War and not just a product of one of the satellite wars – to empower and bring voice to YOUR community.

I only hope that one day… I will be able to have the same power and privilege to do something as honorable as H.Res. 342.

However, when I say similar, I mean similarly honorable but not similarly narrow, exclusive, self-centered, and self-serving.

Love&Solidarity,
Monica

"As details emerged about Wong's life -- recently laid off, troubled by poor language skills, unable to find a toehold in the United States -- many Vietnamese here saw their own struggles in his travails. It was a reminder, as if they needed one, that their transition from war-torn Vietnam to Binghamton has not always been easy." - LA Times

If I had a chance to catch Jiverly before he blocked the entrance of the immigration services building, this is what I would share with him.

Jiverly,

You are not alone. Your life here in America as a refugee from Vietnam is difficult, painful beyond imagination. You were forced here to America because your homeland was plagued with war. You had no choice. You didn't want to come here, you had to come here - for survival, for freedom, for an opportunity to live a better life. You got here and you were overwhelmed with challenges to integrate everything you know...into a not-so-accepting-nor-embracing American culture. You were not an immigrant, you were a refugee. People probably didn't understand that. You felt stuck. Stuck right in the middle. The dark and confusing middle between your Vietnamese and American identities. You didn't speak English well enough to be welcomed by your co-workers. Yet you didn't speak Vietnamse well enough to feel comfortable at Vietnamese social gatherings. You wondered, "Where do I stand in this world? Where do I belong? Where is my home?" You moved back and forth between the coasts. Moving was easy for you, fleeing was easy. You did it once before already. From the land of your birth. So what's another two or three more times? Dislocation, displacement. You found comfort in displacing yourself for months on end, trying your hardest to find your niche, and doing so without much support, resources, and empowerment.

Jiverly, your frustration and sense of loss are not your fault. You did not breed this culture, it bred you. Vietnamese roots watered with American-influenced values. It wasn't you who couldn't fit in. It was society that couldn't fit you in.

Jiverly, you're not alone.

Danielle

May 2009: A Push for Immigration Reform

The New York Times reported that President Obama will finally make a push for comprehensive immigration reform this upcoming May. During the summer, work-groups comprising of policy-makers and immigration advocates will convene to discuss possible legislation to be introduced as early as this fall. The article mentions that Obama's call for immigration reform is a response to his campaign promise to the greater "Hispanic" community. Unfortunately, similar to most mainstream rhetoric used to describe the immigration "problem," the article fails to highlight national efforts to broaden the immigration debate. A debate that includes other ethnic communities impacted by America's broken immigration system. A debate that expands beyond the usual "he took my job" and "they don't pay taxes" argument. A debate that highlights the human aspect found at the root of all our immigrant and refugee journeys to America.

Congressman Gutierrez, Chair of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Immigration Task Force, has been touring the country since December, visiting Latino-based churches in a strong effort to stir public discussion around the issue. Recently, Congressman Honda, Chair of the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus, jointly organized an immigration event that brought in underrepresented voices to share their personal experiences with the immigration system.

For the first time ever, members from the Asian American Pacific Islander community walked on stage to tell America... "Yes, this is our issue too." One AAPI student shared a story about his friend who is an undocumented Cambodian student who recently graduated from college. Unfortunately, his friend is unable to use her college degree to further pursue her dreams of graduate school and a professional career.

She is a daughter of refugee parents, born in a Thai camp after the War in Southeast Asia. Her family escaped the Khmer Rouge, fleeing a genocide that killed an estimated 1.5 million people. They arrived here in America, but for some reason, they don't have any legal paperwork proving their status in America.

She grew up having to translate for her parents - not understanding why she had to learn how to navigate the American education system on her own. She grew up disconnected from her Khmer roots, feeling frustrated because her parents couldn't speak English like all the other parents. Despite her obstacles, she persevered and graduated from college with a degree in computer science. But now, too late, she realized that she can't go any further.

Without legal status, she'll face continuing struggles when applying for financial aid or for employment opportunities. But she's not alone.

About 40-44% of undocumented students in California are Asian. (We don't even know the break down of that statistic either.)

But most people are unaware of this fact. Despite the fear that plagues this issue, brave Asian American students have spoken out about their experiences in hopes of grasping attention of policy-makers...and the greater public.

This is why a complete overhaul of the current broken immigration system needs to happen today. Ideally, the DREAM Act would be included as one provision within a larger comprehensive immigration reform package. A package that rids this country of selfishness and resentment, one that opens the door (widely) to all immigrant and refugee peoples.

Binghamton, NY Shooting

So on Friday, I worked my first 12 hour day. The Binghamton, NY shooting kept us on our toes as “news” came out almost instantly thanks to technology… and then new “news” came out a few minutes later to correct to clarify news thanks to technology.

While some of the most immediate impact will obviously be faced by the survivors, family & friends of the victims, and family & friends of Jiverly Wong… the truth of the matter is that this event could possibly have a major impact on whole communities of people that Jiverly Wong might not ever have known nor might not have ever identified with.

Details aside, I think it’s important to start flushing out some of the implications this incident will have on multiple levels of society… our society, our community.

So really…

What does this mean for the Vietnamese community?

… the Southeast Asian community?

… the immigrant and refugee communities?

… the Asian American community?

What does this mean for America?

What does this mean in general?

Since I’m not Vietnamese, maybe one of our Vietnamese bloggers can talk about the first question. I know Jiverly Wong was Chinese, but since he was Ethnic Chinese from Viet Nam, and is cited at multiple places as being a Vietnamese immigrant, this will ultimately make a difference.

Speaking from the Southeast Asian perspective, I think there are a few things.

First, in one article, they had some criminologist profile Mr. Wong as a “pseudo-commando” gunman. Since he blocked the back exit with his car to trap his potential victims and wore armor, I guess that makes him look like he was preparing for war. Vietnamese, along with other Southeast Asian communities (and a bunch of other refugees from all over the place) that came here to the U.S. as a result of war obviously experienced and even took part in some intense warfare. However, will this kind of behavior make people think that we can no longer differentiate between war-mode and resettlement-mode?

Second, I wonder if this will help us perpetuate the already prominent ethnic funk that exists within the Southeast Asian community. Ethnic-Vietnamese blaming ethnic-Chinese from Viet Nam for giving them a bad name. Khmer, Lao, or Hmong folks blaming Vietnamese people for giving everyone a bad name… then Ethnic-Vietnamese arguing that it wasn’t them… it was the Chinese. I can picture a beautiful shout match in my mind now.

Next, what does this mean for the Asian American Community?

You know, that identity that is a bit problematic to begin with?

So first, one thing we want to avoid is apologizing. Apologizing as a community for the act of one individual. However, on the other extreme of things, I wanted to comment on Angry Asian Man’s post about the shooting. Honestly, while I don’t think we should apologize for Jiverly Wong’s acts… I don’t really understand what Angry Asian man means when he says he wants us to “help each other deal” with the economic hardships… while calling each other cowards. I don’t know. The entire post looks a lot like pulling-yourself-up-by-your-boot-straps-ish and has nothing to do with helping each other deal with the economic crisis. It reminds me a little bit about those facebook groups that were somewhere along the lines of “Koreans against Seung-Hui Cho” or whatever. Isn’t there something in the middle between standing in solidarity and apologizing versus completely ostracizing someone?

To be very honest, we were tipped off on this issue from a Korean American organization who heard because it was happening at an immigration services center. Once they found out that the person might be Vietnamese, they called us so that we wouldn’t have to go through the same kind of backlash they went through with the Virginia Tech shootings. The New York Times characterized this as the “nation’s worst killings since the 2007 massacre at Virginia Tech.” Thanks. So now we have crazy killing Koreans and crazy killing Vietnamese people as well.

In addition to the Asian American Community… I think something can be said about what this means for the entire Immigrant and Refugee Communities in general as well.

First, although I was in Thailand during the VT shooting… I remember there being a huge hype about it. A lot more people were calling him crazy… A lot more people were calling all Koreans crazy… And a lot more people calling all Asian and immigrants crazy. Now, I’m not complaining about now having to deal with too much media buzz about this… but really.

Why are people not as quick to judge or to criticize?

Is it because they learned their lessons from VT? Probably not. I mean, if they did… kudos to them… but really? REALLY?

Is it because they sympathize with him and the economic crisis? Probably not. I mean, the VT shooter definitely had some issues and no one sympathized with him.

Or… is it because this is just another case of an immigrant shooting up other immigrants? DING DING DING. Call me a pessimist… but seriously. In the VT shootings, the bougie parents of the bougie students who went to the bougie school of course were outraged… which made mainstream American outraged. However, I think while some folks are trying to compare this to the VT Shootings, I think this is more comparable to violence that occurs in the urban and inner cities. It’s like that saying someone (I think it was Maurice) said: When white people jump on cars… it call it the free speech movement. When black folks jump on cars… they call it a riot.

Besides the lack of media hype around this… I’m also worried about the implications this might have on the immigrant and refugee communities in terms of policy. First, with the immigrant community. Since he came to the U.S. in the 1990s… I’m guessing it was through family reunification… which is a huge part of Comprehensive Immigration Reform. Second, if he was a refugee, I wonder if folks will be using this as a way to restrict refugee admission levels. Lastly, closer to the Southeast Asian and Vietnamese communities… maybe folks will start to think that signing repatriation was a great idea.

While most Americans, white Americans, would love to make this a Vietnamese thing, a Southeast Asian thing, an Asian thing, or an immigrant and refugee thing… this issue also highlights many of the broader problems in American society.

The first that really attracts me is the concept of being American. Jiverly was a naturalized citizen. He paid that hundreds of dollars, passed that horrid U.S. history test, and raise his right hand and took an oath to be an American. However, what did America and other Americans do in turn? Did they welcome him and his big dreams with open arms? Did they say, “Jiverly, we’re glad that you’re not American just like us.” No. Not exactly. Well, not really at all. They made fun of his speaking skills. They made things so bad that he hated America. Now, what does being American really mean? How does American live up to the idea that this country is a nation of immigrants… a multi-ethnic nation?

On a less theoretical level… many articles have cited that Jiverly was a gun enthusiast. What does this mean about our nation’s gun laws?

In addition, of course, ultimately, this along with the string of shootings in the U.S. in the past month… it comes down to the economy. However, is the economy just becoming the excuse for everything nowadays? I think there might be something to be said about the economy and mounting frustrations due to unemployment and such… but I also think there are bigger problems at work here as well.

I guess all in all… this is something that affects everyone in the U.S…. but maybe since the people it affects the most are amongst the most silent, there isn’t going to be too much buzz, negative or positive, about Jivery Wong.